I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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