I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
how drunk are you?
Several
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
