every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dignity is for republicans.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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