Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
