If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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