I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
