you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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