I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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