I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
