he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
