Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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