Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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