someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
