guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
3 2 1 whiskey
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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