I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
