Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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