Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
