He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
