first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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