No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
