Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
