Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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