she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
