I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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