so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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