I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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