It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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