BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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