can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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