I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
