your parents love me but you hate me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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