Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
