A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
