I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
