The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
its not stalking. its research.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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