i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
