If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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