I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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