i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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