Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
