the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
