His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
