And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
