You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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