have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
