well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
