R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
