Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
