do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
