Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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