I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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