my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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