Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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